This sucks...
this FUCKING sucks!!



im so over life right now
*sigh*







I just want to move home and hae things be ok...
I don't know what to do anymore.
Everytime I make plans and things start to look up
BOOM
something happens and everything falls apart.



The worst part is it is no ones fault.
Shit happens... course of nature
I cant blame anyone because its no ones fault

I am just so stressed
I want to be held and cry my eyes out
vjafivhaeruwehvguobfh

I just got a message :/
Now Im all nervous and antsy



Dude
wtf






lol

this is my play list

I need to see a doctor. I have some serious depression going on and I don't like it.

I feel so shitty for so many reasons.

Evan and I broke up and that was devastating. I don't know what to do with that...
I can't find a job.
I don't have a car
I don't have money
I don't know anyone up here.

I HATE LIVING UP HERE!
I feel so useless
So forgotten
Lonely.

I start having some serious break downs and I just cry and cry
Untill my eyes are dry because there are no tears left and it just hurts
I wish I could stop feeling so a lone.

I don't leave my house for days on end...
I can't take it anymore.
I am going crazy...
I'm having a break down at 19

Please make it stop.
I need to see a shrink... again
-_-

Life seems to be disintegrating slowly for everyone...

It blows!

I am once again left alone.
I feel shitty
Sad, angry, tossid aside, dirty, used.

I feel like.... like a dirty dipper haha
Somone please make all of this go away!

Who is excited?!?
I'M EXCITED!

Who all is going?

Well I haven not died... lol I am still here. I just don't update very offen.

Lets see. I spend my new years in Santa Cruz and had a huge party! My friend Ben and Moe had the house to themselves so we ended up hosting a new years bash there! We spent around $500 worth in alcohol and had a DJ set up and everything! It was quit exciting! Ben and his family also own a big bird so we transfered him to his other cage in the garage and cleaned the one in the dinning room up and I decided to make it into a dance cage! We wrapped lights all over it and shit, it was amazing. Moe and I bartended aswell... it was so much fun! We spend the next day or two cleaning though, but it was totally amazing! It went so well that we are having another party in Sept. I think and this time our budget will be anywere from $1,000 to $2,000. Not to mention this time we will charge for drinks and entrence!

Hmmm... other than that what els have I been up to. Right I signed up for all of my collage classes! w00t! I'm kind of excited to start school again yet at the same time... I wish I didn't have to go. I have to be IN class at 7:30am because that is the only time I could fit that class in *sigh* and I won't get out of school untill around 4:00pm. I have Psych 1A (intro class), Anthro 3 (genetics and evolutions stuff), History 4.1 (Western Civ till 1680 something) and English 1A. I am looking forward to them all ... except English! I HATE IT!

I have to do some last minute shopping for some winter cloths sometime this week. I also have to go to school library and get all of my books and school supplies and shit. I love shopping for shool things, it is soooo much fun! Not to mention I'm going to be all creative and gay and make all of my binders look pretty and make covers for them and shit... hahah!

I'm really excited because sometime soon Evan and Mandi ( and maybe Jaquie) are going to come to pick me up and we are going to go and see a late night showing of Pan's Labyrinth! I want to see that movei SOOO bad! I can't wait! w00t w00t

ALSO! March 31st is ETD Popsicle! Infected Mushroom willbe playing live so you all know what that means... ALL bay area ravers will be fighting for those limited 10.000 tickets! lol I HAVE to go because I won't be raving AT ALL once I am in school. Meaning that I will probably be sober and party free untill late May! (unless I go to Popsicle of corse... and I AM going!) Hahah I figure I will be useing my brain so I might not want to be popping shit while I'm in school... hahaha I'm already dumb enough as it is!

Well... off to go and clean some more...

So I am in Santa Cruz.
How sitting with my friend

We are on the way to wrap a bunch of presents and then to iKea and then to do something els.
lol

i have to go and meet Evan's family for the first time : / on Christmas day
kill me now

Soooo I am UBER sick >.>

I can't breath out of my nose, its all stuffy, my sinuses are all fucked up, my head and tummy hurt, I have a slight fever, the coughing sucks, my thraot hurts and my eyes get all watery and puffy!.... *sigh*

It makes me sad

And im going to go to Santa Cruz today cause I can't stand being home : / and all this drama happened and I just need to get away from it all. I hope that I don't get Evan sick >.> and I hope that this gets better by Sat. wehn I have to come home! If not then I will have to miss "Push It" But I don't know If I want to miss it. Its a Sac. rave and its 12 bucks!!! LOL

GET BETTER BODY!
>.<

Wish me well ...

I just don't know if I am trully happy anymore.

Love is confusing.

Evan said some things that I have been thinking about

It hurts to think they might be true...

:'(

Well... for the most part I had a good day
Moe, Ben and some kid came over to drop of my cell phone charger and we hung out for a little
Krispy cram donoughts and a cig! LOL

good times
If i had money i woul dhave gotten in and out cause i was hungry
oh well... lol

today was nice
slept a lot.

still recovering from BeThankful
Have to fix my camera!

I cant wait till friday!
Trippendicualr here we come!

Like the headline said, I will be gone this week. I will be spending Thanks giving with friends in Santa Cruz! I can't wait! It's going to be so much fun... I have to go and start to get ready!

Well... this is an early Thanks Giving thing I guess... To all of my friends, I LOVE you all very much!
I don't know what I would do without you all!!!



I LOVE YOU!!

Well... it was amazing till it got shut down >.>
But we had a blast while it lasted
Here is us having mucho fun!


Yes I know you are jealous.
I would be too

So I have been back in own for a while day.
I was supposed to go back to Santa Cruz with Moe and Ben but Ben ended up having to work and Moe is really sick :'(
I LOVE YOU MOE!!!! GET WELL SOON!

On the upside... Kyle is taking me to a rave called Funky Punk Rockers 3 and I can't wait
No Place Like Home was last saturday and it feel just like yesturday! It's crazy!
Shopping tomorrow for the rave and just in general

I need new cloths, it's winter time and I only have one sweatshirt and a jacket and two pair of jeans.
*sigh* I need new cloths! I can't wait to go shopping with mom
Well, I am off to have a cigaret and then go to bed.

<3

I am with my Evan and puppy... kate is visiting.

Hung out with Jinx, jason, Moe and Bed last night. that was exciting

getting ready for lunch

then rave tonight *sigh*

Lif is good at the moment

So I am contemplating taking French next semester, I think that I would be good at it because of my spanish. I read and understnad most of it already and I am not to bad at the speaking it part. I think the most challenging part will the the grammar and the spelling.

The other down side is that if I take the French class I would be up to 17 units next semester. That is fucking crazy!

Maybe I can just learn it on my own... or try to and then take it next semester.
Any one want to give me some advice?

free pod casts

they freaking rock my socks!